Holy crap. What an awesome 30 hours in KL. Seriously if the rest of my trip is like this I will be stoked!
Todays tale is one of disposable underwear, strange rice concoctions and myself avenging Steve Irwins death.
I did a decent job of finding my hotel – The Impiana KLCC. It was right behind those those poor excuse for towers, Petronas. I mean seriously they are soooooo 2004 – Sorry dudes, you’re gonna need to build something 850m high to reclaim top spot. How anyone can boast about 2 towers that are only 450m tall each, is beyond me. Ok so they were probably the best actors in Entrapment, but those glory days of the contortionist Catherine Zeta Jones in tight spandex are over (although try telling the Neurofen advertising department that).
I digress – which I will often do – so please humour me. The hotel was nice – the reason I booked this one as it had massage and spa facilities. Was very disappointed it wasn’t the one I so clearly had set in my mind. Ah well.
The room was clean and was quite nice – it gave me ample room dry my Reg Grundies after I washed them in the sink. Still don’t know why I needed to do that – considering I have sufficient undergarment supplies and am only 24 hours away from a washing machine. The room had free broadband, which is great. What’s not great is the fact that there are a couple of sites that the Malaysian Government has blocked due to certain decency laws. I mean these sites are in Australia’s, USA and Western Europes most visited 20 sites for a reason. Wake up to yourself Malaysia. How dare you class me as morally bankrupt. I am nothing of the sort.
After a refreshing shower and clean up I sauntered down to the Pavillion Mall for a feed. Let me start by saying that the malls in Malaysia absolutely shit over Australia – even the Bondi Junction Westfields. They are clean, big, and have every variety of shops possible. Most importantly MY GOD THE FOOD COURTS. Two Levels of whatever you want. The first had lines of all asian traditional food. The setup was interesting as it looked like 10 shops in a row were owned by the same guy and were offering slightly different things, but the prices were the same and the shopfronts were identical.
I decided to go with the claypot pepper chicken. See the picture below. Before I go on, be forwarned that a lot of my posts will be about food, due to the fact I am a shameless glutton. The taste was something absolutely out of this world, it had a nice hit of spice and chilli – but not too much to over power my shameful aversion to chilli. It tasted like a mild Schezuan sauce with garlic and lime overtones. It certainly wasn’t an overpowering dish.
The rice was fresh and not too sticky. The consistencey was fluffy and it absorbed the sauce beautifully. You could get great chopstick fulls of the meal and it would stay in decent clumps. The vegetables consisted of red onion, capsicum, and carrots. They were crisp and fresh.
The clear soup that I had with it was a broth, but mixed with coriander or spring onion. Whatever it was really soothing and complimentary to the taste of the fiery claypot chicken.
After lunch I decided that I needed a spare battery for the camera – so I swung by an camera shop. HOLY SHIT its expensive for electronics in Malaysia. And not only that – accessories for your electronics, which do not have any circuitry are stupidly expensive. The battery I got was $50 AUD – which is fair enough – if a little on the high side. But then I decided to buy a lens cap. A small plastic cap which is 46mm in diameter. It costs about 25cents to make. We sell them for $7. They had it for $100 MYR about $33 AUD. You have got to be firetrucking kidding.
I was full so I decided to go back to the hotel. On the way out I spotted something which I couldn’t ignore. Three beautiful letters.
KFC.
Yes, my dirty bird instincts kicked in. How could I not try one piece of chicken – for not but research purposes. Yes. Like the Japanese, I justified my actions to eat a disgusting putrid meal as research. However the more I thought about it the more it made sense. Every country that I go to, I must try their variation of the 11 herbs and spices and then report on in. Not for my betterment, but for the betterment of you. The viewer. Also the betterment of Pfizer (the creator of Lipitor, a cholesterol lowering drug)
My decision was finalised once I looked up and saw the monthly special. The Royal Briyani Meal.
I can see anyone who is Indian - laughing right now.
Briyani is basically an Indian risotto, with more spice. This meal had 2 pieces of chicken, one spicy and one regular. A scoop (?) of Briyani and clear soup. The chicken was just the same – no special things here – the hot and spicy was actually less spicy. The briyani was surprisingly good, full of flavour and a fluffy texture.
The soup on the other hand. Let me tell you about the soup. Do you all remember the old story of how the gravy is made? When the chicken is pressure cooked in the vat all the left over stuff is collected and refined again for gravy. Well. The soup must be the shit left after the gravy is refined and then mixed with the dishwater. Seriously, rancid stuff.
After having 2 lunches (oh yeah, I am that good). I decided that I needed a nap and a massage. I booked my massage for a couple of hours time and napped in the interim.
It was massage time and a lovely Borneo-an/ese girl by the name of Hani was going to be giving me a Balinese massage. Sure, I went along with pretending to know a Balinese massage from a Thai etc. She showed me where I can get changed and what I would wear. Ok fairly standard. Cotton robe and disposable panties.
Yes her words were DISPOSABLE PANTIES.
Thoughts of Huggies pull-ups come to mind. Anyway, I was intrigued as these things were like those surgical caps - with the same elastic and material – but with two more holes for your legs. Was not a fan of them. At the same time I didn’t have the heart to ask if they were compulsory – I mean the Malaysian government already thinks I am a dirty perv.
The massage itself was outstanding. I fell asleep and felt very rested. I slept for another couple of hours and then decided it was dinner time. Talked to the concierge and told him that I wanted to go to somewhere which is typical Malaysian food. He gave me a map and told me to go to Jalan Alor – which he tells me has the ‘hawkers food stalls’.
I moseyed down at around 5pm to take in the sights. Once I got off the main road – the place looked very different. Dilapidated and dirty rows of houses. You didn’t know if you were actually looking at an alley or a road where the front door was. Check out the pictures. I walked through Arab Square – which was a very sorry sight indeed. Some buildings actually looked like mortars had blown the side of them off, much like how I would imagine some Baghdad houses would look.
Turning into Jalan Alor, I could see why he recommended me this place. The whole street was a bouncing and bustling wonderland of fresh produce, seafood and hot plates.
The smell of curry spices, flash cooked meat, bbq’d seafood and ripe durian enticed your nostrils. Red lanterns clung from wires up high, like cherries, tenuously hanging from the tree. The sights of storeowners touting and hawking their offers to each passerby was like watching the true concept of free markets in play. Adam Smith would be so proud.
I found an AWESOME stall where he was selling fresh sugar cane juice. I asked the kind old man if I could just have the cane. It was the best 1 ringgit spent so far. My grandfather used to own a sugar cane farm in Fiji and my small memories of Fiji was chowing on some sugar cane through the day. The juice was locked in the stringy log and it was a misson to get it going. But once you got into a rhythm it was pure heaven.
I stopped off at a seafood stall and was about to order some king prawns when I saw what I thought was shark fin. I asked the owner what it was, to my disappointment, he said Stingray. DAMMIT, I wanted to try something I have never eaten before
.....wait a second......
I haven’t eaten stingray – but even better I can now, on behalf of all Australians, take vengeance on the cruel beast that took Steve Irwin from us. It wasn’t the actually one, but like the Mafia, I like to think the most effective way of getting to someone is by getting to his family.
It was BBQ’d to perfection. The skin was crispy and seemingly marinated in a chilli/lime/spice basting - it soaked in perfectly and even if some parts were crispier – they still retained that flavour. The meat itself is relatively mild. Like tuna – but not as strong. It has great texture and is not rubbery at all.
Met up with a couple of tourists while eating. One Canadian and his girlfriend from Thailand. Had a good chat to them and called it a day. Walking on my way back home I decided to see how much money I had left for the train tomorrow – as i budgeted everything perfectly. I looked in my pocket and realised that I forgot to pay for my meal. Being a firm believer in Karma, (the last thing I wanted was for the universe to even things up on my holiday) I bolted back to make sure that i didn’t leave this debt unsettled. All these thoughts rushed in my mind – “what if he has me arrested?” “ what If they beat the shit out of me for 30 ringgit?” “what if they find out the hotel I am in from the guys I was eating dinner with?”. I decided that either way, I still had to try and make things right. Walking back down Jalan Alor the waiter spotted me from 20 meters away (I still had my eye-catching red Astro Boy shirt on). First thing I did was wave my money in the air so he wouldn’t run at me with a cleaver. I profusely apologised to the owner and staff – leaving them a small tip in the process.
The day in KL was outstanding, I got home and booked my Stonehenge tour – then duly crashed on the bed. It was such a full day of different sights, sounds and tastes. The people are very friendly and incredibly understanding if you do a runner on them.
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